Sunday, June 10, 2007One moment i was feelin down, then next moment, i was so abt to explode in hapiness and it all ended up wif me feelin so very down, i haf nvr been so depressed in my life...
I'm nt sure wat to do nw..... In case u all r askin wat happened,...i failed my reassessment, meaning, i haf to repeat my sem because of this f*cking module.... i cant seem to bring myself together ever since tat moment where the lecturer told me tat she's 'afraid she's goin to fail me'.... its like, wat haf i done to deserve all this.... i haf nvr enjoyed my time in nursing....excepet for the frens i've made, the bonds tat was formed, the fun we all had, bt other den tat....everything else sucks... I haf struggle all the way since i first step into NYP, april 2005....ever since yr1, i try to accept the fact tat i am goin to go through this for the next 3 yrs of my life...nvr haf i expected for it to stretch to 4 yr, and i may even haf to rpt another sem in yr3...u nvr know... Up til nw, i still haven accept tat fact, i suffered in silence...everyone thinks i look ok, i am enjoying my time in school, in tutorial rm, in lecture halls....bt the truth is, my mind keep on thinkin, y am i still in NYP, am i doin the rite thing...y am i forcing myself to do sometin i dont like...y i join nursing then....my parents, and a 'guranteed' carrer life....WEll guess wat, reality check, tat guaranteed thingy, its BULL-SHIT...
JUST IMAGINE THIS,>>>>>YOU R DOING SOMETHIN WHICH U DONT LIKE FOR THE WHOLE OF YOUR LIFE<<<< Be it clinicians, be it lecturer, be it practitioner....its still nursing...maybe i'm nt meant to save life.... when my life itself is in ruin.... Haiz, am i just goin to go on like this... People think i'm qutting half-way because i gave up...tats nt the case, its nt becoz i'm giving up, if so, i would haf done tat earlier...its more of, i dont wan to waste my time doin something which i am nt gettin or gainin anything from.... this is only yr 2 and i already haf to rpt two sem...wat then in yr 3..... am i goin to be kick out of sch... might as well i quit nw and start workin, at least i gain somehtin from tat...and maybe join NS when i'm called up... I still haven made up my mind yet...my parents want me to continue...bt i'm still nt ready to go on doin nursing again... Anyway, tat short moment of happiness was due to my success in getting my much-wanted class 3 licence.... much i'm still nt sure whether its worth it... i mean rpting another sem or getting tat licence?... ANyway, to make things worst, the way i failed, i just dont deserve it... i was the only student during reassessment who wasnt receiving any form of help, nt even a hint... the lecturer wasn't even paying attention to anything i said... haiz.... Need the full story, just contact me, i'll be more than happy to story-tellin wif u.... till then take care...
